Just minutes ago I “de-friended” a Facebook friend. Now, I know what you may be thinking here. You may be thinking that Facebook friends aren’t “really” friends at all, right? Well, I agree that those of us on Facebook who have gathered a community of “friends” have nothing more than internet acquaintances. Surely, the Internet has changed so much….and it has even redefined “friends.” God help us all.
My “de-friended” friend actually is (or was) a friend. I have known him most of my life, since the age of 12. Heck, I guess that would be some 45 years. We live apart now, and have for years, but our small town roots and common interests have always been a link that could not be broken. If I saw him today (or maybe I should say, yesterday) we would greet each other like the old childhood friends that we are.
When Facebook became available I immediately began to search out for long lost buddies & friends from childhood. I, like perhaps you, anxiously placed former girlfriends, teachers, classmates and relatives in the search box hoping for a connection allowing me the opportunity to perhaps just say hello or, at the very least, see if they were married, have kids and have the kind of job I would have expected. You know, the real poop.
Have you “de-friended” someone on Facebook? I hadn’t. And when I did today I felt like I was cutting a thread that has held us together. Funny, isn’t it? Who would have guessed something like Facebook would have the power to dig into my emotions and feelings? Not me. When I clicked the button it was another goodbye in our almost half-century relationship. I did so with apprehension and a bit of sadness.
My friend is passionate about a couple things. One of which is politics. And our political thinking is quite different…..ummm….about as far apart as you could be. But I found his comments to be angry….very angry. I discovered that my posts, comments and “tongue-in-cheek” cartoons were taken as some kind of personal attack on him and all those who believe in his political mindset. After his last diatribe I came to the conclusion that not only do we disagree on politics, but that his comments were borderline anger management issues. After his last incendiary comment I posted back nothing more than an anger management site link. No rebuttle…..just the link. I had no more words for his comments. To my surprise, his wife came back with a comment that she was insulted by the link I had responded with. Well, that is where it stopped today. My intension is certainly not to insult anyone….I mean, that would defeat the intended purpose of Facebook (if in fact the real purpose of Facebook is not what I suspect: to gather information about millions of us to be used and sold in marketing, human trends and in data gathering). I clicked the “de-friend” selection tab.
As a certified speaker, trainer and coach with the John Maxwell Team, I have trained on communication as a leader of my company. The events today caused me to pause and reflect on commincation. I went back to my materials from my Maxwell training and notes from his book (I have more notes in margins of books than you could imagine), Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. In John Maxwells book he addresses five connecting principals and five connecting practices of top-notch leaders…something I aspire to be. I went back and searched for an answer to my communication issue.
In John Maxwell’s 5 CONNECTING PRINCIPALS I reviewed Connecting Principal # 2: Connecting With Others. It brought to mind what I learned long ago from Dr. Maxwell. That is, connecting with people is not a skill….it is an attitude. Was I trying to convince my now “de-friended” friend to join my team? What attitude did he demonstrate? What attitude did I demonstrate?
John Maxwell says this, “What I l have learned is that connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating. Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people, it’s not about you—it’s about them. If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward, off of yourself and onto others. And I know you can do this, because I did! You can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, think about others, and try to understand who they are and what they want. If you’re willing to learn how to connect, you will be amazed at the doors that will open to you and the people you will be able to work with. All you have to do is keep reminding yourself that connecting is all about others.”
In the many Facebook posts and re-posts and comments with my “de-friended” friend I honestly tried to connect with reason, passion, humor and yes, sarcasm from time to time. But the truth is, I failed to communicate……I can do better. My goal in my business is to seek out and discover ways to increase the value I provide others. Always.
I’ll take this experience and grow from it.
I hope you might too.
Listen to this story by Jim Mazziotti at: http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/exitrealty/i_just_de_friended_a_friend_on_facebook
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